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July 26, 2006
Bitterness
"Men get bitter at 40." -- Douglas Copeland
About 3 months ago, I felt the possibility of bitterness for the first time.
What is bitterness? Being caught by your own assumptions. 'It should have been mine!' over time wears a deep groove in you. Survivable, but excruciating.
During that time, I thought: "There is something worse than a life which is too short: a life which is too long."
For now, I'm back to planning for the long haul. Trying not to make my decisions too quickly.
I've drawn the conclusion that trying to go too directly forward in this world is asking to be trapped.
Anger & Sadness
Sadness is shrinking - losing the parts of you that no longer work.
But anger is growing. Taking on concerns which, in many cases, one never desired or asked for.
Neither or sadness or anger can transform into bitterness. Both are almost totally inert. They are atitudinal end products.
Rage and grief, the antecedents of anger and sadness, can become bitterness, though.
I think that bitterness must be the result of some sort of a personality truncation, some part of you you cut off contact with, and sooner or later come to treat as though it is dead.
Posted by Sam at July 26, 2006 03:30 AM