House of Paine

toxic snack trucks

  nice article on 
wmd menace 


 

EL PASO, May 6- The Rio Grande
is possibly just not wide
enough to keep out weapons of
mass distruction. Especially
if they're driven across in a
so-called "toxic chuck wagon."

According to boarder patrol
agents and officials unprepared
to give names, the Latin
American drug cartels are now
in the WMD business, too.

"It's no reach for 'em, 
really," said one border agent.
"You got handling and container
issues, of course, but so do
wet backers and crack mules. And
besides, these toxic chuck
wagons give 'em plenty of
safety."

"They're riding in secure
comfort. Ventilation has to be
so good they might as well be in 
the Alps as riding through Eagle
Gulch."
  
Almost like some nightmare Cheech
and Chong saga, picaresque tales
of cross-border special-order
deliveries- Domino's Pizza style-
abound. 

"Yes, that's a fact," said
another agent. "Since old 9/11
and all that anthrax business, 
international shipments of 
chemologic and biologic 'goods' 
have blown over us here in
El Paso like mayflies."

According to several sources,
the smugglers retro-fit the 
interiors of Ryder trucks and
other rental vehicles "to make
them just like those ones General
Powell showed at the UN."
 
Asked if the transporting seemed
bold given the nation's state of
alert, one immigration agent
said, "They're showing more sand
moving this stuff than I've ever
seen out of characters like this
before. The money must be huge."

"You got that right.  When
they're more than bold, means
there's lots and lots a gold," 
said Kit Klondike, a local garage
owner and self-proclaimed "border
bard of the rio." 

When asked about contraband
chemicals, Kondike agreed with
the officers. "Sure, plenty of
it's comin' over every day,
near on." When asked from where,
he responded in a flash, 
"Sparkling downtown Puebla. 
Where else?"

The local authorities seem to
agree. "God, Puebla's the
Wilmington, Delaware of bad
chemistry," an unnamed officer
said.

Are the residents concerned for
their own health?

"Not really," said Klondike.
"Hell these things are just
passing through here headed for
the muslim terror rings up
east."

"Well, then again, one did tip
over 5 nights ago trying to
force a competitor over an
embankment out passed 313," 
he added.

"That's hows we know what they
look like inside. We figured
whatever was in there crawled out
before we all got there and found 
the three dead bodies. We
look-seed and then torched it
all before the federal boys
showed up. Amazing it didn't
burn of itself better than it
did."

According to Klondike, none of
the search party suffered any
post-discovery ill effects.
   
"Nope, not a damn sniffle even.
Guess we're too Texas tough for
'em."


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