House of Paine

if everybody had a focus

   when i was
   just a kid 

   used to be

   all phones
    were black 
   and identical

   you know
   basic communication

   what if all cars
    were black 
   and identical?

   like the model t
    
   today thats a focus 
   and comes only in green

   basic transportation

   call it 

   Eco-Fordism 

   ==================== 




      america
      on wheels  
         
      payin for 
          the 
    trillion mile trip


   --------------------------------

   if we all drove a  focus

   well we could 

   prolly cut oil expenditures by ...


    well lets guess

    1)
       total number of 
    passenger cars
   (including suvs atvs  iuds whatever )

   ~ 133 mill


   2) 
        ave mileage
   driven per annum
   per vehicle
   ~10k


   hence 
            
      3)
         we're well past being 
   a trillion trip-mile nation

   ( household
     drive- -wise)

   to continue the calc

    4)
           we take
    the official
    estimated 
   actual"fleet"
    ave miles 
   per gallon 
    of (10) 

   and 
            biblical results
   emoige 

    5)
         2( 66,666,666,666) 
                 gallons
         burned per annum

   ======================

     now if i were car czar of amerika  ......

   ENTER

            THE FEDERAL DRIVING BOARD 
        
                  THE  FDB
   -----------------------------------------------
       road-motor  ukase # 17


     " ALL NEW
   passenger CARS
    MUST EQUAL
    OR EXCEED
    THE FORD FOCUS
   IN MILEAGE PERFROMANCE "

    everybody
    hence forth
   BUYS AND 
   drives
    a  focus
   or better 

   EVENTUALLY 

   given
    the FOCUS
   ave
    of 20  miles per gal
    (hard science est)

   we can reduce

   TWO BEASTS 
   TO 
   ONE BEAST  

   -------------------------------------
     WOW
             66,666,666,666 
                gallons saved
   ---------------------------------------------


    at the pump
   thats what 

   lets 
   call it 
   2 bucks worth 
   of 
   savings
    per gal

   and so 
   we're 
   back to
    
   TWO  beastS

   $2( 66,666,666,666)

     but this is a savings 
   so we're looking at 

   the two  beast's 

   caspar twins 
        
   -------------------------------

   ( I feel compelled
   to mention
   what a vicious 
     ball bust
   this will be  
   for one of my
   favorite groups
    of niche players:

    lebanese
   familly 
   gas station owners

   but hey
   if 
   thats civilization's
    price tag
   for decent air... 

   I bet  the mohicans
   were kool too)

   ------------------------------
   by the way
   we're
   not even looking at
   the demand shrink

   think

   "total fucking
    sheik dink over "
     
    induced
   by the  demand drop

    (  sadistic  fun 
   can be 
     a simple 
   price /quantity plunge )
   -------------------------------

   dropping the false
   mystical 
   precision a moment 

   we're
   still  talkng 

   prolly
   at least 
    60 billion dollars 
   per annum
   in savings

   question


   is all 
   the extra
    razz ma tazz
   we get
    with todays
   pep and  potlatch
   wagons

   worth the   60 bill surcharge ?

   are
   all our splendid 
   four wheel  follies 
   really 
    worth 

   60 billlion 
    extra
   dollars

   each year ?

   well.... 


   be honest


   voted up or down 

   OK OK OK

   I HEAR YA

   YER ANSWER IZ
    
   "SOITANLY"  

   as CURLIE HOWARD
   WOULD SAY

   i get it folks

   this is
    the 4th reich
   isn't it ?
   ========================

   but 
   just for 
   the fuck of it 

   I say

   "lets tuck it 
   to ya
    Homer"

   for the sake 
   of all them 
   brown/green 

   " extoinalities"

   -------------------------------
   since I created

     this FDB
     
   I'm gonna 

    FUCKING USE IT  

   create 
   a new minimum 
   performance standard
   for autos
   coming
    fresh off
   the assembly lines


   and slap it on 
   starting 
   as of tuesday next 

   (no  wait 
   "for the new motors"
    if ya 
   sell it next week
   mr auto- bub
   then
   plan on  retro fits 
   at your expense )

   call it 
     the ford 
   focus 
   green 
   car lot   
   standard 



   call it 

   the national 
    over the road green  rate-min 

   i don't give a shit

   as long as you call it

   THE LAW !!!!!!
   ----------------------

    where do I get off?

     listen fuck pants  

    if greenspan
    can
   " do" rates
     over at his board

   surely 
   I  can 
   "do" rates 
      over at ours too 

   -----------------------------------------
                the  NR
                  of
                 FDB 
         ----------------


   and  hows  about 
   we toss in
     this            
   air sweetener 

   put in 
   a 5 year 
   phase out 
   of 
   the grand father clause

    covering
    all  pre-new standard
   household road vehicles 

   a total  cleanse
   of 
   the household  
    fleet
    
   make it 
    a 5 step 
   ratchet up

     one per year 
              5 over 5 

   so that in five :

    fleet minimum standard 
                FMS
              EQUALS NR

           (  FMS =NR)


   and make
    the first 
   up ratchet
   a  frigggin' doozy

   decomm

   all those 

   FUCKING 
   TAMPICO SMOKERS 

   out there 

    right off the bat 

   with 
   the very first 
   ratchet 


   ==================

   enforcement?

   issue
    shoulder operated
   high high tech
   gun sighted
   burn rate 
   exhaust detectors


   and make sure 
    every patrol car 
   in every county 
   in every state 
   in  america
   is usin em

   set nail quotas


   if necessary
   order the pricks 

   to shoot 

   violater's
   VEHICLES

    on sight
       

   shoot 
         and 
     shoot to kill 

   -------------------------------
     need some 
   politics
   to make it go down 
   easy ?


   let the citizenry
    vote on it 

   give the peons
    a choice

   but make it 
    a  tit twister choice


       set up
   a  national referendum 

   couched like this 

   " fork in the road
    gang
   one of these 
   has got to go "
           
   "choose the remedy
    either
    NR
     or 
          FS "

   FS being 
         
   forced sterilization

   ( at least
     for  all white
             women)
    


   make it 

   "unlimited 
   white babies
   or 
   unlimited low mileage"

   u choose amerika 



   ====================