House of Paine

the elvis project

     
     the great hollywood studios
     fuck over their  film  properties 
             worse
                      then a moorish peddlar
                                  fucks over  his pack donkey

     
                          BUT   BUT BUT  


   LET ME TELL YOU
    SPORTS FANS

   if little old outside you 
       try pitching them
      on a recombo-recut type reuse recycle
               of any of  their stuff
   even the most
     putrid dribble toxic shit
   they got in a containment tank
      
     fuck
      you'd think....

      well  
   you'd think 

   they had 
   both 
   of  St Peter's balls 
   in a bottle 

   and 

   you

   you 
   just asked em
   if it was ok 

   " if I swallow  one  "

   =======================




     take my major  Elvis thing


    to get it anywhere 
    i knew i had to 
    start off
    with 
    the god damn 
    studio
   --- Mammouth Pictures----

   the one 
   colonel tom
   lashed poor elvis 
    to
   till death do him  part

   in fact even now
   all these years later
   the fuckers 
   still  have all 
    the rights to
    his screen scenes
   crammed up their ass

   all of em

   miles and miles of em 

     but shit 
     as is 

   the stuffs 
   you know
   pure sad sack 

   strictly 
    strawbillly

   inky couffed
    gizzle dee pizzle 

    
   in the words 
   of
   my human sidecar
   and
   diminutive body servent 
    otto the small
    
   "  Jesus meat 
     talk about
    a  pant load  
     of useless
      hoaky  horse shit "

      but
       I
    have 
    
   vision 
     
     i see
    what others
    can't see

   even on
    their best nites

     and my vision 

   my extra-ordinary
   vision 

   saw 
   what  
   one brave  guy
    with  a pile of talent 
   and
   a dash of   taste 
   could make of it
   if only
   he could
    get in there
   on top 
   of all that campy crap
   and  
   recut 
   reset 
   restamp
    remix
    refix 
   and 
   respring
       it

    take out 
   a bunch of
    shrewedly selected
   bits of  it all  
   and re......
     
     well...
     
   we're talking
   and 
   i say this with all
   professional modesty

      a nearly 
    endless  mine 
           of 
     pure money making magic

      but but but but 

    would the freak balls
     over at Mammouth
    let me do it 

   of course not

   nope 

   "don't even try soldier"

   "don't even 
    give  us 
    a taste "

     nope

   "even if
   you'll
    fucking 
    free lance"

   "even if you'll 
   fucking  
   up front it 
    string feed 
   the whole 
   damn  deal 
   all by yourself "

   " not the slightest chance
      nope 
            no way jose"

   right up and down the line

   top to bottom

    every one 
   of those numb nuts
   over there

   fuckin'
   thick
    dumb 
    and 
    barnacled
   like a row of  pier posts 

   every last one of em
   ----------------------------------

   my achin' fucking back ...


   can you imagine?

   and 
   with
   me handing back
   to  them 
   full and clear  title 
   to it all

   yes full clear and free
   to 
   any and all of my  rehashes 

    
   leavin'
   me
    gettin what ?

     gornish
   friends
   gornish
    near nada 

   yes
    basically
   near   nada
   nada
   nada

   me....

   meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

   a guy 
   with a 
   set of
   TV  track records
   like
    fucking jesse owens

   thrice over 
   top top 
   prize getter


   know on both coast
   as the post production guy 
   non pareill

   jesus christ 
   need i say more?

   on and on
    my accomplishments go 
    hulk hogan's 
    chart smashing
   rock video

   the last tender foot
    bill  burroughs 
      and the great  american fix  

     
   sheree north
    remembers

   (both parts)

     folks its 
   tumble time :
   the big dice roll 

     bernstein on bernstein 

   Hunter does Disney

   on and on it goes


   range folks range

   range and depth
   and 
   speed 
   and
    penetration

   ask chuck berris 

   ask larry flynt 

   shit 
   ask claes oldenburg

   and here and now
   on this one deal
   cause
    i believed
   too  much
   in it 

   because I
   just desperately 
   wanted 
   to see it get done ..


   i say to those bozos

   " guys listen 
   I'm  leavin'
   myself
   dickless in the doorway 
   on this one "

   totally dickless
    
    christ 
   there I am 
   in front of em 
   droppin all 

    guild ducking 
     colleague fucking 
     big suit sucking


     what more what else 
     can they need 

     DICKLESS 

   you name it 

   to cut this deal i'd a ....
   ----------------------------------------------

   fans 

   I wasn't 
    even
   lookin for
   a stinkin' 
    sotto voce 
    credit line 

   not even 
   under 
   a turkey tassle 


   boil off the bravura
   and 
   all i was asking
    for 

   believe me here

   all all all  

   was a  mother fucking 

   "mid range"
    Tijuana paycheck

   and
    fuck 
   i didn't care 
   if they  
   slipped
   it to me
   two years hence
   and 
    thru an air vent  
   in the utility hut 
   behind 
   the Encino Hilton 

     nope

   nope nope

   no pride no greed

   just passion

   pure 

   " I need
   to make this "
   passion 

   pure 

    "  I need 
   to create
   solid gold 
   out of
   your fucking
    gimcrackry  "

   thats right 
   cow hands 

   and yet ...

   nope nope  
   nope a dope  

   not even 

   if i did the cock sucker
   on 
    full spread eagle spec  
   -----------------------------------------

   now i ask you
   is that 
   ass kissable 
   or 
   is that
    ass  kissable ?
    

   fuck 
   i got to tell ya 

    lotus land
   oh lotus land
    mother fucking hell 

   you sure 
    crave  
   applying
   the killer   rasp
   to the creative ego


   especially 
   ifa guy's  got 
    honest injun
   can't miss
   pay dirt type 
   art  for sale 
     
   -----------------------------------


     again 
   again again


     no no no no no no arroyo 

   -----------------------------------------

   fuck what a gauntlet

   i can't drop this..

   i gotta 
   tell  it 
    once more 

   this time

    i'll put you 
   across 
   the desk from me

     you 
   pretend
    your the right stuff hardon
   i'm pitchin'

   and then
   try
   turnin'
    thiz down will ya....


   " yes dave 
    thats all i ask

   just  set me up 
   with 
   digitals of 
   all The King's
   monkey bidness

   all of it
   from 
    clam bake to baden baden
   and back

   all of it 

   bill bixby
   on waterr skis

   slim samples
   in a pork chop   tux

   that 
   obscene
    rear shot
   of a topless
   tammy hart 
   holdin off
    a reared 
   and ready
   stallion

   the face of
   silver 
   sister sally
   takin the black boy's
   jungle jump 
    
   all of it 

   just raw 

   all the cheap isness of it

   all the bull crap 
    footage 
   of the elvis curl

   give it to me

   and
   then 
   get out of the way
   while
   I make you guys
   some  magic

   give me the go
   and just 
   watch me
    and my  
    mother lovin huge 
   state of the art 
     edit machine
    do our thing

   and 
   totally
   at my  very own
   fucking expense dave

   in one end
   goes
    back lot horse feathers
   and
   out the other ....

   shit 

   i promise you

   i'll build 
   this studio 
   a thousand  box fulls
    of
    pure   CABLE  bullion  
    
   its that 
   simply 

   leave me be
   and 
   i'll dig  ya 
   more  dollars
   out of that pile of scat 
   then they got in 
     camel country

   hows about it 
   dave ?

   they tell me
    your 
    mister yes/no 
   around here

   and oh 
    if the crust cakes
    upstairs ask 
   whats cookin'
     why the fuck  
   you're movin'
    all these cans around 
    just
   tell the   gents

   "  no sweat 
   oh great
   and wise ones

   we're clean 

   clean
   easy
   and covered 

    the dick heads
   doin us 
     straight
   arms length  spec 
     he's
    as flushable as 
   a wad of toilet paper"
   ---------------------------------------

   okay
   now  tell me 
   honest

   would you come back
    after all that 
   with
    an  up front

   right off the bat

   ten foot high

   NYETSKI 

   would ya 
   do that 
   like they all did

   would ya?

   come on

   IF  ole 
   3 emmy 
    Meateo Meo 

     BROUGHT YA 
   THAT 
    
   PROPOSITION 

   i seriously
    doubt it 
   --------------------------------------------

   SSSHIIIIIITTT

   nada NADA NADA 

   THAT WAS THE ANSWER
    
   and right quick too

   " sorry man...

    love to get
   dirty with ya ...

    but hey
    who knows
   maybe next time  "



   -----------------------

   "next time "

   fuck you ass pipe

   fuck you
   and the toad you're riden
   side saddle  tonite


   at any rate.....

   well
   you got to move on...
   ------------------------------

   no no no no 

   shit 

   shit 

   this can't be 
    the end of it 

   no

     THE TRUTH 
   and nothing but the truth
   CRIES OUT
   FOR THE TELLING

   i need to post up

   the  whole 

   backass

   jackass

    story...
   -------------------------------------------
    STARTING WITH

      part one 

   (the image of 
   an idea of 
   a concept
   just comes to me
   out of nowhere  ......)

   -------------------------------



   its mid winter 
   2001
    so far
    we got Bush
    but 
   no Bin Laden

   and 
   we're in 
   the wee  wee hours 
   with 
   no light 
   soon  pending
   and 
   we're 
   here  in palm springs
   california

   home to 
   some of
    the biggest 
   FUCKHEADS 
   ON EARTH.......

   above
    the usual 
    sand land 
   midnite special 
   skyscape
   is under way 

   shrouding all
    this venal HELLlSPAWN
    in a  twinkle tipped
     deep  velvet kitch 

   while 
     down here  below 
    everywhere worth being
   the   dicksters
    are
   silently  koolin off
      their under  parts 


   (by the way
    for  all you 
   serious headfellas
      out there 
   you can bet 
   your sweet sweet ass
   theres a thousand  
    shaggy  boo  clouds 
    drifting east
    towards arizona
   right about now too)

   aaah 
   think of it

   all  those rich rich
   healthy  hearts
    soakin in  
   their ever so mellow 
   ever so
   fully arrived 
   toys and 
   joys 
   of the victor klass

   and then 

   well 

   there's 
      uz three ginks

   my loving
   heavily top loaded
   but still 
   nicely shanked
   and slim
    pussy kat 

    jammy jams malone

   that that that
   subhuman cramp 
   that fool/fiend midget
   i've indulged 
   rewarded and forgiven
    for two decades

   otto pilot 

   and 
   of course

   plain  lousy
   when will it all end 

     meeezo   at easeo 

   we're near by

   near by
   to 
    all 
   this 
   oh so  
    wonderfulness

    but 
   uummmm

   decidedly 
   still elsewheres

   near but oh so 
   not there ...


   cause
   we're at 
   Big Fred's
   bungalow court
   ---------------------------------------

   Big Fred's
   is horrid
    bug tussle
   of a  dream shop
    moldering
   unmourned 
   on the 
   farthest wrong edge 
   of  this
    made for heros only burg 
    
   a sensible
     home away from home 
     for the likes of 
   oh i don't know
   maybe 
    trial period 
   live out domestics 
   or 
   the stray 
    wife skipping
    one eyed jack
     or 
   for that matter
   pretty much 
   any other sort
    of  still ripe
     skunkoff
    and 
    terminal stinker belle   
    your mind
    might confect 
   in an ugly  moment 
    
   and 
   then of course 

   big fred
   ihas been known  
    to open his arms 
   to
     the occasional 
   foot loose
   team  of sick 
   dick brains
   that  just blew into 
    town 
   figuring on
   cuttin themselves 
   a slice or two 
    off    
    the haunch and a half
   of 
   "easy pickings"
     out here 

   thats obviuosly

   where we three
   hollywood hobos 
    came in

   or at least
   where 
   mere otto
    and  
   my  skinny limbed 
   jammy
   came in

   in a ballsy 
   effort
   to

   cover our menage's
   carrying costs
    until
    i think up
    our  next 
   back to the summit
   block buster move

   that  particular night
    if ya'd come over
   and 
   knocked
    on bungalow 6

    you'd a found  
    none of 
    we three
    out 

    not even
    a one of uz

   cause 
   we were 
   dreadfully 
   in the midst
   of 
    bodilly  wants 
   brought on
    by
    the lack 
   of humble 
   nourishments 

   the truth to tell
   despite all efforts 
   by my confederates
   over the prior two weeks 
   the "'easy pickins " 
   had alluded uz 

   in fact
   now the cash was gone by two days
   we were in  
      what
    those hardy old  micmacs 
   back east 
    used to call 
    a   hungry season

   for them
   it was a yearly thing 

   the time
   after all
    the icicles were gone
    but 
    before 
   mother nature
   re openned 
    the   buffet  table  

   for uz
    it was
    an evil  episode

   unexpected and 
   unaccustomed

   as i recall 

   it all came down

   just  after
   that consuumit swine
   pilot 
   had   turned
   loose
   one of his 
    egregious 
   patented 
   bed puffs
     
    something 
    he called 
   after
    an earlier infraction
   a can't help it  
    " starvation fart"
    
   " fuck otto 
   not again  "
   i believe 
   jammy said

   for maybe 
   the 8th  time that  nite

   but god willed it
   to be then 

    
   right  that very moment

   as if 
   it needed
    a blast of
   warming 
   brimstone  refreshment


   winginginging 

   suddenly
   out of who knows
    what thought train

   my mind 
   so gloriously 
    saw far and  clearly

       I 

    DON DIEGO DE LA MEATEO

   WILL 
   PUT 
   ELVIS 

    BACK IN THE BUILDING 


   and so
    i  said so   
   out loud 


   and 
   then 
    commenced
   a spell binder
   exposition 
    of the great white path before uz

   and i guess i was 
   so juiced 
   so touched with destiny
   both
    my 
    two pole carriers 
   claimed afterwards
   they  saw
   the dove 
   dancing
    on my scalp
   -------------------------------------------

   later

   a remotivated
   comrade pilot 

   "even on an empty stomach"

   headed
    for the bus station

   looking to cop
    a degrading

    "apres  christmas blow job"

   from" the boy freebes" 

   and 
   after he left uz alone
   for the first time in five days 

   my dear dear 
   jammy 

   my dear
    all trusting
    jammy

   proceeded
   to fuck 
    my raving  brains out
    
   till dawns  lite
   cracked over
    our dark casement 

   ( TO BE CONTINUED)
   -------------------------------