House of Paine

maids

           why  Merry Maids suck

      I NEED RELIEF FROM
DOMESTIC CHORES

GOD KNOWS
I AIN'T ALONE IN THIS

   butfuck
how come
          the present
corporate service sector
     has no answers
for me
          worth shit

  i want to know




------------------------------------------------------


these days
in my fallen state

  i  have to do chores

   daily domestic chores

    chores around the house

  and I'll be
up front about this

  self serve
type domestic operations

well
they're
no large charge
                       for me
unless I can eat the results
--------------------------------------------

  i know it's typical male
horse feathers

but I'm 54
and
   i got
this nagging conception
stuck in my brain

  my fucking
quality time
left  here
              on this good green earth
may be fucking
running out

and facin'
this grim prospect
forces me to dream
about
better ways
I might blow
the odd spare hour
then
fucking folding
my girl friend's pajamas

----------------------------------------------------------
mostly
I'd like
to be  reading something thick


something thick
and  enjoyable

i don't
zzzactly
 know about what

it's been my experience
that me tastes
vary over time

but readin'
something lively
while resting comfortibly
in a well padded chair
has a piece 
a paradise in it

and yet
dishes pile up

  wet cloths
need transfering
into the drier

fuck

even bagged  trash
stashed in the garage
eventually
  starts to stink

sometimes
enough even
for upstairs ladies
to notice

and then theres always
the etcs

the blinkin'
etcs

what's
a  slob
both fat and lazy 
to do ?

---------------------------------------


obvious
counter---fact

my wage rate per hr
(  30.00 pre tax )
is a little  low

in fac
it's maybe 
too low

 too low
to justify
commercial
substitution

on
comparative advantages
grounds

it's an after tax wash

yes
the real world
          is with out question
telling me

" it prolly makes sense 
 do it
 yourself hardon "

but that's crap

the market takes
nothing personally

fuck
the market
doesn't even  begin
to get at the
ins and outs
of any single concrete
real individual's
  human condition

and quite rightly

creative destruction 
takes a steely aspect

no markets are 
what they are 

that's their cold fucking beauty

but when its pinkytime 
 I got my druthers 
 to consider

vox mercador
be damned 
----------------------------------------
here be my 
marshaled case
for hired domestix 


the defense calls

southern aesthete
and seriously degenerate
gallery operative

T. Lord Foute

" mr Foute are you familar
with the defendent? "

" yes I am "

there follows much ado about little
all answered 
 with a exasperating 
Marquis De Weary 
 stage drawl

but then finally 

" now mr Foute
before you step down
do you have anything
else to say
on the defendents
behalf "

" yes I do
indeed i do
why I
understand perfectly
where Senior Pinky's
coming from in this matter
it  reminds  me
of my  poor  aunt Dodge
why
she'd   starve all week
just so she  could
  pay some nigra boy
to sweep off her porch
  on saturday morning "

-----------------------------------------


well
as a yankee
shop keeper's boy

I hardly can claim
to have the reservoirs
of  dignity
of an aunt Dodge

but I am lazy

bone lazy

lazy enough
to make do on less

in order to avoid
the otherwise necessary
sweats and toils of life

yes i confess
I'm lazy
shit
I'll confess that
over 
a dropped hat

bodily lazy
muscularly inert
and constantly
abhoring all movement
save
the intake of good air
good food and
good drink


speaking of my indolence
here's
T Lord Foute
again
from earlier
on the stand

showing
 himself
in a chivalrous moment 
still dashingly languid
but none the less
a 140 proof champion
of us downed overdogs

picture him up there
aiding me
his preposterously
unnecessary wheel chair
waiting below to his left
like a side car

" yes of course Pinky's
physically lazy
what else becomes
so  naturally
a well reared gentleman

   wasn't
there  always some one
under foot
ready to skin his grapes
OR
curl his sparse hair
for him 

and
whats more
in all the centuries
I've had the privilege
of his aquaintence
I
can attest
to the unvarnished fact 
that no matter 
the torpors
his body may
have been
prone to

his mind
has never shown me
a dim moment

never

no
to the contrary
 i'd say
his minds
always been
active as a thief "
-----------------------------------------------

back to the world of 
the service  shopper

sub category
domestic help 


to recap

if you happen to need some
home making done for you

tough shit
ass can

don't bother turning
to corporate america

as crazy as it may seem
the big boys
simply
don't have
a better solution
for
specifically 
 cleaning houses

not 
like they do
for generally
 cleaning wallets
anyway

  not that it's
 at all
hard to find
hired help

hell they're out there
all  right

only
you gotta hunt em down

one by one




for instance

around here in Hingham
there's help for hire

comes by ancient sedan
and usually all the way
from Brazil

tells ya
it  wants
80 dollars" in kesh"

up front
per visit
no questions asked

and for that
it'll more or less
wipe down or off
yer digs

change sheets?

  " chore
anodder 10 plizzz "

-------------------------------------
now god damn it
where's the better solution
  thru enterprise

by George Gilders
chinny chin chin
there ought to be
a corporate size solution
out there

 a choice 
better then this
CONFOUNDING
by the light of the moon
ding dong
one on one  shit
----------------------------------------------------
christ
is this also going to be
up to me

I'm just one guy here

fucking AAAAAAAAAAA

for once
can't someone else
innovate
besides me


-----------------------------------------------------
Foutes right
its not my fault

i grew up with domestics

when not away
at one
of my many many
boarding schools or 
"just for funnnnn" Kamps

when
 BY SOME
FATHERLY  OVERSITE 
I was   home

all my needs 
and i mean all
my needs
were taken care of 
for me

okay
I usually
 wiped my own ass

but precious little else

these hands
are the untutored hands
of the master klass

universal answer
sorry ladies 
no way 
i got the know how 

cause 
all was done for me

grass stained
pants washed and
pressing

forks scowered

orange peels  removed

sundry mop ups
and brush offs
attended to

polluted sheets 
wisked away
without comment 

all done

done right 

and 

done every time

from the
simple to
the exotic

a to z 

from
prayer shawl vacuuming

to sacred book
rebinding

there were
always others to do
what needed
 doing
----------------------------------------------

 by the way 
parenthetically 

now that it's  my job

two conclusions
  occur to me quickly

number one

thank
 the fucking modern age
for home appliances

the dish washer
the cloths dryer

the carpet  hoover
etc etc 

what treasures
these all are 
to us reluctant
cave dwarfs


vulcans gifts
indeed  !

  and

number two

all things considered
now its my turn 
at the mop handle

i prefer the  monkish
boarding school conditions
of my youth


yes I had communal chores
to perform there 

but only  on occasion

and nearly always
poorly supervised

and as for
  my own alcove

I soon figured out
once  stripped bare
of all homey  appointments

alcoves
became 
 nearly  zero
maintenance
habitudes

---------------------------------------------------------------

back to the maids for hire bit

second recap :

repeat lamment 

why
in this day in age
with all the millions
of two job households

does one  have to resort
to day domestics
only found in a dark ally

and absolutely always
paid strictly
   under the table

here in greater suburbovia 
if you want
a one on one multi task
cleaner-sheet changer-laundress

you can expect
to find yourself
in a time regression

the process is nearly
fucking 18th century

right the fuck 
out of  Lawrence Sterne

SCENE TYPICIPUS 

" no conchita please
please
not now please
not in here while i'mmmm....

what......what ..well then

( sotto voce)  blast you

well then
do   the .........
oh done that ehhhhhhh

( sotto voce secundo
  simularico)

then then my dear
try the....

YOU SEE 

here is bad right now 
 Conchetatdoria 

i'm i'm  I'm
just up to brushing
 around
my posts now
dear .......

my my  my computer post..

alright alright
 of course
you work's splendid splendid

ok ok ok
i see isee i see 
 you're thru upstairs
and downstairs 
and in the living room
and in the family room

well then errr...
well errrrr...
thats it !
 why not try 
doing  the the the

    dogs encampment

the boys would love
a little freshening up 
in there don't you think
Concatesta ?
hows about
doing  a little
something  for the boys ehh"




-------------------------------------------------------
  part 2

( later after 
meditational impasses ) 

sure there are services
with a profit
structure behind them

they're franchise set ups
usually

like
MERRY MAIDS

costly beyond imagination
often as not
instituted as Ponzis


beaver traps
cash syphons
set up by 
PREDATORS
to decashify
SNUFFLESS PLEBS
 ON THE GREAT 
AMERICAN QUEST
FOR GAINFUL SELF ENTERPRISE

like my favorite scorge

Decorators Den
there was a time
maybe 
 12 -15 years ago
when it seemed  
every other
 house on bob street
had one of their 
tricolar vans 
parked in front of it  

all freshly turned out
and without a sole
needing their services

" no mam sorry
my wifes in the same biz "
-------------------------------------
I WONDER 
JUST
HOW MANY 
WITLESS DREAMERS 
 get their 
LIFE SAVINGS SLATE 
WIPED  CLEAN
every year

BY 
SOMETHING LIKE 
DECORATOR'S DEN
  
----------------------------------------



yes
 you can set yourself up
with a franchise
 bonded house cleaning outfit

problem one

they stink

NO PERSONAL TOUCH PERHAPS

LIKE THE MESSAGE THING 
YA NEED
 THAT ONE ON ONE 
RAZZMATAZZZ

---------------------------------------------------

at any rate 
you can 
add it to the list
of entrepreneurial lacunae

america  needs
  not just
a chain of
 reliable message parlors

america
needs 
a  raft
of   household sevice companies

and i mean big time
publically traded companies

i mean really 

how impossible
can it be to take
plain old fashion
room  cleaning
and revolutionize it

or baby sitting


or lawn mowing


or tree removal

or  storm door   fixit

or or or or

  why iz it
 got to be victor hugo stuff
all 
under the table
" much abliiiiiiiiggged gubner"
 
why iz it 
 wolf packs from distant parts
  are the bees knees here

after all these years
where's the better
bigger mechanized idea

why are
respectible
upper middle income
householders
still better off
hiring
   seniora Pippita
  then
a blended and  bonded crew
from
Klean U  Out inc

subject for further research