House of Paine

world sheriff

let's run uncle for UN sheriff



 
 OK folks heres a hot one for ya
 heres  a way to get the bear meat
right out there on the table

lets go before  the UN general assembly
  and ask for a blanket authorization
making  uncle Sam and any posse he can assemble
 the sole official legal agent of the UN security council
  with full official world government authority

 thats right full authority
to investigate and  intervene wherever and  whenever
      we feel there is a need 
to defend the human rights of  human beings 
   
now we all know what those rights are
hell we’ve known for 6000 years  
  
 those hodge podgers at the UN they know
  right from wrong as well as you or I do 
 for gods sake they got a body of humane doctrine 
  over there Eleanor Roosevelt okayed
  lets enforce it
lets get some real live  sheriffing done on it

   imagine 

  find any 
  heinous  violations
  of humanity going on in your vicinity
    then dial  911 AMERICA

  I tell you good people 
 if your leaders in Washington and wall St. 
   say uncle doesn’t  need 
some sort of  official  writ or license 
to fight  worldwide 
to preserve uncles  overseas interests 
           and  insure a  terror free life here at home 
 if they say that  
 then   I say  to them 
 they’re wrong dead wrong
 
    and I believe if we want 
to make uncle legit 
 we can  
yes we can make it all as legal
  as a  Las Vegas wedding
    listen 
  if we’re going to continue 
 acting  like j. Edgar Hoover with a passport
 a tommygun 
 and unlimited flying mileage
lets get the badge for it 
make it official 
 I think there’s an offer 
the UN general  assembly cant refuse

think of it this way  
   what we’re looking 
for here is  sort of a global
 Platt amendment
  heard of that 
 old TR. ‘s friends affixed that unwelcome bitt
 right in  the mouth of occupied Cuba back in 01  or 02
those boys put it right in the damn 
Cuban constitution
legal right to intervene by uncle Sam when and if....

well I guess you wouldn’t expect a power like 
 this to be handed to just any old  member state

so in the proper spirit of give as you take
 how about a straight up down
hire us as sheriff and we’ll do it for free
  
or  better still pay us x to do the job
 and we’ll pay in to your coffers
 twice that amount
a real double back guarantee
 
  now heres the  real butler special 
  we first  suggest  to 
the assembly that  in their wisdom 
  they create an office 
that  we know in fact only uncle can fill

   this way it looks fair
    the  jobs open to any state willing to bid on it
    five year term sounds on target to me
we’ve already got the ball rolling 
 since 9/11 we’ve kind of played defacto
sheriff so why not say 
the  first term 
opens up in say 2006
  i’d say  
 thats fair 
 as fair can be
 gives everyone time to get ready  

 so long as we insist on
one pure and simple  rule 
no double stating
nope the rule of bids must be 
 one sheriff one state
only right 
 a sheriff with two heads

 hell thats for the drive in movies

who can out bid uncle ?
and yet this way the un gets
to feel it wasn’t all just
hyper power imposed
 we can say 
go ahead take the lesser bid 
  and with the double down
  payment removed your 
shit outta luck for funds boys
  no dough no yankee funded
 brass plated desk jobs
for all you rag heads and circle dancers

   now here ladies and gentlemen
 is  where the apple gets split
 i request you ladies and interior decorators
out there retire to the drawing room
to discuss my ideas
 while i finish up here  with
   the men  


OK fellas heres the skinny

  your typical wall street boy up there in Manhattan
 he’ll  want to  push for adding a modest little  rider
 something like “and the global  sheriff also shall 
  have the full authority to take any necessary
steps to preserve protect  
  and enforce any and all   obligations 
contracted in good faith” 

 won’t fly 
dont try 
you’ll just  blow the deal

but hey 
 sons of Vanderbilt and Morgan 
 this I address directly to you
listen I better then most
 know where you re coming from
  and  I also know
this is going  absolutely nowhere
 without your big push behind it


 but gentlemen
  whats so  wrong
 with a legal right to   half of such an apple
  surely its a   wondrous apple
   and fellas

   I’ve looked in to it
and guess what 
    your covered

the other half is yours free of charge
listen up 
its as simple as
   ham goes with  eggs
your usual garden grown
 tinpot Issimo Maximo
  if hes into torturing and massacring    and such
 well  then gentlemen  he’s into
skating on bills and
far more importantly
 vicer verser holds just as surely
 or at least I never found a sovereign welcher 
the world press couldn’t show up 
as a violator of at least
 one  fundamental  human decency or other
 boys were talking pretexts here
 literally made in heavan

 take torture
  I dont want to tip uncles mitts 
 but hey guys
  whats torture
I think Dixieland music is torture

and dont forget the occupation 
 thats all yours as sheriff
no one can expect you 
to turn it over to the goo goos
before you’ve restored civil order.
  and hell guys you know what that can mean


  I love  it  I love it i love it
what do you think
 uncle  gets to play worldwide repo man 
  while the world front  parlor crowd sees 
only a knight of the down trodden
riding to the rescue
  imagine fleece and flame 
 and feel  perfectly clean and  legal doing it

next time uncle wants to knock over some bandito regime
   and put a people out of their misery
       he can be wearing a shining star