House of Paine

the UNION SHOE

- the story of the UNION SHOE 

this  piece of  glittering class history
  TELLS OF A MOMENT 
when central   Europe’s
peasants arose to FLING OFF 
the butt fuckery of 
 feudal bondage 

mostly this accounting is pinched from
  the greatest of all German Klass historians
a man who needs no blurb puffs 
FROM THE LIKES OF 
PINKERSTEIN P.PAINE 




-----------------------------------------------

 In 1493, in Alsace, a secret union 
of peasants and plebeians
 SPROUTED OUT OF THE GROUND 
OF FAMINE 
NEW TAXES 
AND CHOAKINGLY  STEEP PRICES 

THE TIME HAD COME TO STRIKE BACK 

--------------------------------------

as sort of a right off the bat 
JUST TO SHOW 
  we mean business 
TYPE OF 
AIR CLEARER 
THESE PIONEER CONSPIRITORS  
demanded the plundering 
and extermination of the Jews

easy targets first 

ofcourse they knew 
there was a hell of a lot more 
to the stinking set up then that 

THEY WERE N’T FOOLS 
LIKE THE BROWN SHIRTS 

in fact they knew the whole stinking set up 
 was riding around on their heads 

they knew all the high and mighties 
towering over them
were  like Bartholemews 500 hats

THE WHOLE FEUDAL SCAM 
 WAS FLAT OUT 
sitting on their heads 
and they knew damn well 
 every last one of them 
ALL THOSE 
fancy hats needed to go 

if they were to breath 
with an easy at all 

so wham they set themselves the task of 
 knocking them off
  once and for all
------------------------------
their first big idea was
  a Jubilee year
 
they dug that out of the bible 

jubilee years were 
an  old  hebrew remedy for 
the inevitable  accumulation
 of financial parasites 
of all shapes and sizes
 over say 50 years 
THAT TYPE OF CLEVER PARASITING 
can clog up an agrarian system 
nearly to the stroking point 

at a jubelee year 
 a one time total  
cancelation of all outstanding debts
occurs 

since the jubilee thing 
 was a one timer
like an angioplasty 
they figured they were
sure to need another one if things
and another and another till kngdom comes 
if more basic correctives were n’t thrown in too
 so  in addition these little devils demanded 
 the once and for all  abolition of 
the existing structure of 
taxes, tons and other burdens
and if the whole bunch had any real value 
they would have to prove it
because when the peasants start to run things
 all such measures will require peasant approval

thats how things are when they’re 
run  according to the guys
 doing the heavy lifting  

and they went further 
not only financial and product burdens 
were wiped out 
they called for  the abolition 
of the ecclesiastical and Imperial courts too 

they effectively planned 
to start over the whole legal system as well 

think of it these sheep with two legs
 these goats
 these talking cows and pigs
these walking apple trees
imagine them  wanting
 no demanding
and  at blade point 
to run the farms they worked 
-----------------------
 once again heres their demands 
 cause i love the sweep of them 
1  the right to ratify taxation
2 the abolishion of all feudal services
3 the right to reduce priestly  incomes 
( boy I crave this one )
4 the end to all  mandatory ( otherwise can’t take communion)
priest only confessions
( I hope you can grasp all that lies behind that )
5 in all communities courts  elected 
by the communities themselves
--------------------------------------
 The conspirators planned
 as soon as they had the strength
 to overpower the stronghold of Schlettstadt
 to confiscate the treasuries of the monasteries and the churches 
 and from there to fan out and 
 arouse the whole province 
-------------------------------
the banner  of the cause 
the banner of this union of all peasants of alsace 
to be unfurled at the moment of insurrection
was  the figure of a simple 
  peasant's shoe or sandal 
 with long snake like flying 
  lacings 
and so ofcourse 
 they called  themselves 
  THE UNION SHOE 
----------------------------------
 from then on for twenty years and more 
the UNION SHOE became 
synonymous with
 peasant conspiracies
throughout middle Europe 
a name and a banner 
peasants were prepared
to  rally to
  and die for 

  -----------------------------
“Membership in the Union 
 involved  the most mysterious
 of solemn  ceremonies 
and the most  severe promises
 of  punishment against traitors ”
                  a quote 
-----------------------------------------------
despite all the layers of secrecy and internal ferocity 
 the time appointed for the attack on Schlettstadt
easter sunday 1493
never the less was discovered and 
 The authorities  intervened 
briskly and effectively 

 Many  conspirators
and many non conspirators 
 were arrested 
 guilty or innocent 

 hundreds were put  on the rack
and  quartered or decapitated
 Many more were crippled 
by chopping their hands and fingers
into less functional configurations 
and then driving them out of the country
to work for a change instead of conspire 

-----------------------------------------------
 The Union Shoe
 however, was far from being annihilated 
 and as the remaining conspiritors 
  spread out across the face
 of German speaking Europe
they found wherever they went 
    the same multi leveled multi angled
oppression 
 and the same inclination towards revolt
so it proved easy  to spread the unions call to action 

 all you needed was guts enough to face 
the  possibilty  one day sooner or later 
you ‘ll end up 
hacked to pieces and cooked 
------------------------------------------------
despite the scattered nature of late feudal settlement 
these peasant Rebels 
 built and held together 
centralized organizations
even after numberless
 dispersions, defeats, 
and ruthless executions of leaders
each time they were ripped apart 
 they renewed their conspiracies
and they did it  over and over again

recovering from 
  the “spare no one”blows
within months sometimes 
they were ready to spring 
 again when  the time  
had ripened into opportunity 
------------------------------------------------
  here’s a revival example ten years out 
 
In 1502 there was a major upsurge in
 the bishopric of Speyer

 The Union Shoe was  
reorganising itself here 
for at least the third time 
bigger then ever 
and with bolder objectives too 
 bristling with  the usual reflection
of life at the bottom of a   RIG 
that sucked everything
worthwhile as far up the social tree as possible 
and piss the rest back down

among the items 
the shoers demanded 
was 
a final end to
 all ground rents tithes  taxes and tolls 
whether paid to 
the princes, the nobility or the clergy
thus putting the whole carnival out of business in one shot 

and as a little house cleaning of old time hangers on 
 abolish all vestiges of serfdom 
yes serfdom 
now theres a hoary favorite
 of the top dogs 

you can trace 
some of these mandatory 
service and product load ups
 all the way back to Clovis 

before islam was a dream in mr Mo’S HEAD 
for christ sake 

though many were already removed 
in prior social compacts 
they seemed always 
 to be  reinstituted at odd moments when  peasants 
were too up against THE WALL 
to block the moves 
at any rate the union was out to
 smash serfdom with all its hideosities 
 once and for all
“no lordly idler
will ever again 
exact   such criminal tributes.
its time for us now and 
once we  peasants are running  things 
its all going to go away for ever 
abolished and with one blow 
 no dangling loops 

( imagine  serfdom 
 the turn of the 16th century
and still  an institution struggling to keep its claws 
in  the peasants of western Germany 
though  by then long gone 
from merry ole england 

then again even further east 
at the other end of europe 
serfdom was booming in Russia 
 1863 was a long long way off )


 heres a great one 

 monasteries and other church estates
 to be confiscated and divided among the people
now thats what we ought to do with 
all those fucking  foundations we got today
grab  them all and carve em up betwixt all us little shits 
as retirement plans 

finally 
  no other authority above the peasants communes 
not  lay or priestly 
 to be recognised 
aside from the emperor 
 just ourselves and the big guy 
no middle fuckers 
----------------------------------------
 



all renewals of the Union Shoe 
 in what ever locality inside the empire 
had common organizational characteristics :
 secret meeting places
 oaths of silence, initiation ceremonies
etc etc
all to increase security and intensify 
loyalty 

and god love them 
 they all rallied to
 THE SIGN OF THE  SHOE 
the common  Union banner
 with the legend
 "Nothing but God's justice." 
every one wanted the sense of one big union of all 
---------------------------------------------

 usually
the local  plans of action 
were  similar too 

 big step one was usually 
the same as in the original plam\n of 1493 
overpower a central city 
 where the majority of the population
 belonged to the Union already 
and then once a Union army was  organised 
  dispatch it forthwith 
 into the surrounding principality
 
as “ a  moving point of mobilization and 
concentration across the countryside”
----------------------------------------
and also every time
 or nearly every time 
 The plan of revolt 
so carefully plotted and protected
by total secrecy 
was eventually 
 betrayed to the Dark forces
any way 
usually by a  clergyman
 after some  trusting and credulous conspirator
gave it up in private confession
----------------------------------------------------
How widespread
 and mighty  the Union became 
in the early teens of the sixteenth century 
 is apparent from the terror
 which seized the various imperial principalities
one after the other 
as revelations surfaced of a local Union operation 
thriving in their midst 
each time of course 
 hardened mercenary  Troops
 were raced to the scene 
 to conduct unimpeded and 
 indiscriminate mass arrests 
which were always 
followed by lavishly excessive 
graphically excruciating executions 
and other blunt correctives 
and cautionary exactions  

the  Emperor himself 
Maximilian the magnificent 

the sole authority the Union 
was prepared to accept 
a man billed by his sycophants 
 as possibly the last of the true white knights 
even he himself 
flung out one bloodthirsty
punitive decree after another 
 like hand bills at the entrance 
to a revival hall 
  
the Emperor knew to the tips of his soul 
  these secret  undertakings
needed to be rooted out 
  by god and iron 
 
for all  peasants everywhere 
 needed to see with their own eyes 
the  reasons  written in scarlet 
 why generations of their ancestors past 
had found  toilsome submission 
 so  wise and sweet and Christian

----------------------------------------------------

but despite these unrelenting lessons
in servile rectitude 
  enough fury and indomitably 
  survived the terror blows 
 that the various outcroppings of
the Union not only re emerged 
over and over 
 but seemed to be growing 
larger and stronger 
 
take this one 

it occurred on the Upper Rhine
in 1512 
 the Union Shoe at that time 
 reassembling itself in the area 
 under the remarkably able 
leadership of
 Joss Fritz of Untergrombach
a returning  fugitive from an earlier
Upper Rhine Union op in 1502
  Joss  a former soldier
   and plain tough sharp guy 
 After his flight in ‘02 
  had kept himself 
unfindibly  scarce 
in every sort of fairy tale hide away 
imaginable from forest  bower 
to icey  mountain keep
 from orchard shades to 
  river run deep 
now years later
he had returned home 
to organize another  rising 
this time he most carefully 
 reconstituted his unit 

  his untutored  diplomatic talent
 and  untiring endurance proved
 unstoppable 
 in short order 
a considerable number of people
 of the most divergent classes 
became involved  thru him and his 
minions in the Union
 not just   the peasants
 and plebeian town folk 
but 
 knights, priests,
and   burghers three 
 
 and heres a good wrinkle
 he chambered his outfit 
with inside the inside the inside walls
producing  a multi tiered   conspiracy
each tier 
 more or less sharply divided from the other
 presto 
 All serviceable elements  utilized 
despite limitations 
but inner plots air tight 
----------------------------
with “ the greatest circumspection and skill ”
he recruited  emissaries and sent them out 
to  wander over the country in various disguises

mostly as vagrants and beggars 
 Joss himself standing as the only one 
in direct communication 
with these dual identity  beggar kings

 through them he held in his hand 
the numerous vagabond populations
that could  functioned as 
both  spy and currier service for the Union 
out in the hinterlands in the peasant villages
and in the bowels of the big towns too 
--------------------------------------------------------
as a side light it ought to be pointed out 
these  dual identity  beggar kings 
were   Very “original  selfcreations ”

 One guy calling himself 
Hapsburg harry 
roamed the country 
with a gorgeous boy/girl 
in a wheel barrow 
 using her seemingly
cardinal  crushed feet 
  as a major pathos grabber
when ever the lovely weeping 
he/she wasn’t
running about in  antic frenzy
 craddling her totally swaddled 
dead new born 

 like many of his ilk then and now 
Hapsburg  favored  
swarms of reverential   insignia on his person 
legend has it he wore 
likenesses of all fourteen 
 of the christian virgins  of Zembla
rescued from the sultans seraglio
 not to mention
 his statuary 
like one of  the marylin monroe of 
the day  
the  full figured  15th century  cortesan turned saint 
 Ottilie of Baden
 and of course for the women 
 a gorgeously sincere  
  rendering of  Our Mother in Heaven
and so and so on and so forth 
 on and on and on 
all this plus a four foot long gout of   red beard 
and an eight foot  knotty shafted
 travelling  pike 
fashioned  he claimed from
 the keel of Noahs ark
and the sword of Goliath 
 a weapon he’d claim 
 many a turk never lived to admire 
some authorities say 
this legendary  man of a thousand cons 
may  actually have been 
  Joss fritz himself 

------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------
clearly the SHOE had taken on a more robust character 
 under Joss Fritz
 in particular thanks to the beggar kings 
“ The plebeian element of the cities
 began to assert itself more and more ”
the union grew so large 
.  meetings were held 
  far away from the centers 
in remote  mountain valleys 
and ofcourse these conventicles 
produced the usual 
  articles of demands and objectives 
in this case a total of 14 
 including this refinement 
abolition of all interest 
 once payment had  equalled the capital
 plus this 
an interest of 5 per cent
 as the highest permissible rate
 plus this old chestnut 
 freedom of hunting, fishing
 grazing, and wood cutting
 
limitation of the priests 
to one prebend ( parish position ) each


confiscation of all church and monastery 
 gems and sacred church objects to be sold 
 in favour of the union
and how about this pair 
 eternal peace within entire Christendom
 energetic action against
 all opponents of the Union

and signs of fiscal maturation 
 Union taxes
 
finally one step beyond emperor authorization 
 to dialogue and a well maybe you can stay
if you behave 
with a call to 
 open negotiations with the emperor
 as soon as the Union hordes were gathered
 and with Switzerland in case the emperor declined
-------------------------------------
The blow was to be struck about Autumn, 1513
unfortunately 
while JossFritz  was away  
 the plot tipped over on itself 

a combination of premature risings
wildly conducted  final days  propaganda
 and the usual clerical  betrayals 
did the whole deal in 

by the time the princes spies and soldiers were done 
 A thousands of Union members and non union members 
 were arrested, tortured and executed

. But the majority
 as usual escaped once more
Joss Fritz among them
---------------------------------------
after the debacle
 very delightful is the fate of swiss black hat
 patrician city councilers 
who tried scooping up 
cross Rhine fugitive union members
THE BLACK PATRICIANS 
 did it all 
to please their German counterparts 
on the other side 
the next year
 as a direct result
of what their betters 
had seen fit to do 
to the fleeing 
low life union rebels 
the swiss plebs and peasants
rose up and totally 
 smashed the patricians 
hold on power and privilege 
not only resting power for themselves 
 but also forcing  through 
some privileges of their own 
------------------------------------------------

( N.B  these Swiss local revolts succeeded
 where those   in Germany failed 
 for one reason and one reason only  
 unlike Germany ten years later 
mass  professional armies 
ready to do the bidding of nobles and patricians 
did not exist  up there in the Alpine paradise
back in Germany 
 in the real deal of 1525 when all these peasant risings synchronized 
more or less   the pattern of response became automatic
 bring in the mercenaries 
  “bought and paid for  forces of  hell fire ”
 out of their own element culturally even linguisticly 
they were  free to work out their personal violence hang ups 
any way fancy lead them 
as a consequence 
these alien warriors fashioned  wonders 
against the armed  rising of the lower orders 
  the point is in a fair fight  local against local 
the swiss experience shows
 what Germany circa1525 would have been like
without the standing armies interventions on the side
of law property and civilization 

yes in a fair fight the peasant and pleb armies would have won 
and 
a vast ultimately unworkable 
but nonetheless glorious plebian commonwealth
could have emerged 
a platform for a real one big stroke 
social reformation 
 a dream not  realized in
Germany in 1848 
or really even in 1918 

  ah yes 
as  former slave the black ajax said 
after his shameful sand bagging
 at ring side with the whitemans title in his fists
 
  “   yes if only it had been a fair fight ”