House of Paine

october first 2003

I’m feeling small and canker prone tonite

 makes me wanta   swing
  a  sharp knife with a curved blade
 
from the inside 
 envy is a bloody  dirty bizzness 


 go ahead Ms Ortho
  blame me  scorn me 
   bind me with thorns  

but  first try   
   looking at  the latest 
 Forbes FAB 50 list 
then ask yourself
what do I  really want 
from THE PINK ONE  

oh  land of  the pilgrim’ s pride 
where are we headed
 
 what is a skunk sniffer like me  to do 
 when Forbes Mag hits out  with
a little something  like  
Americas  50 richest sex machines

makes me  feel like
well like
  an  angry inch  
  
hence tonite’s  under- tots  revenge fantasy 

time for 
 a little Daddy  Big Bucks  blade  tickle  

remember i’m  a soak  the rich   guy 
 from  way back  anyway 

lets review  my relevant  core  credo  points  

- -  tax big soft wealth 

- - subsidize small  hard  work 

its in everyone’s interest after all   
taxing  wealth i mean 

makes the big guys
 work harder 
and the small frys
smile longer    

 fuck  i hear you
smart assed  anal heads 
groaning but listen up  

   we make this easy 
  we let the wealthy  targets    
 do the spade and barrow work themselves

 and i bet they
end up doing it 
and doing it   right to
 the last  penny too

yes every swimming pool 
  stock share and bullion bag 
  every show pony and sail boat
 ruby ring and stutz bearcat 
every matisse and malibu bungalow 
   
and  if they try a bluff
they won’t bluff long 

 the game’s a cinch 
and the rules are 
 tight as bark

“first MR KANE  you make a list of everything
you own........ thats right everything    
 and as your doing it 
    put a value next to each item 
  thats it 
simple isn’t it ......
 its only fair i let you know 
 if one of  uncle’s agents 
when she goes over the list
and inspects the items  
 thinks any one of them 
has a low ball  valuation 
 on behalf of 
uncle she may very well
  buy it off you 
at that very  valuation price ”


get the gimmo ?

 folks its like a Victorian  partnership
like an old fashion   buy sell agreement  

there are details of course plenty of them 
but only a few big ones really count 

like  
1 tax target can raise valuation one time per item 
then deal’s final its uncle’s if he still wants it 

 2 tax  target is paid in
    30 year treasuries 

  and
 by the way 
  tax owed  is not paid over 
 instead the tax target assumes 
repayment obligation on 
outstanding t-bonds  
  of equal present value 
  
no cash no rash no hash 

oh  and my favorite detail 
 try leaving something 
off the list Mr. Saturday Nite 
do so 
and its   instant  government property !
free of charge
 no recourse except the courts 

and  cause i still got that Forbes article in my head 
i suggest we  tie this all up in an unusually 
uphill  passive-- aggressively  restrictive 
  purgatorial type appeal  process 

 just to keep the sobsters
  brown eyes blue

hows it hit ya ?  

my old man  
 wild  Bill Paine himself 
used to advocate this very same 
 valuation system 

but just on private real estate  property 
 

 i say why not have at  
the whole  ball of wax  that way 

tasty and tart  and all together fine 

   every year a new strike 
 every year  a new harvest
-------------------------------------------



 maybe you remember
 the proposed 
 Trump levy  
 
the Donald’s  U.S. debt cure 
proposal 
he used as a 
press hook for his prez run
in  2000

a levy is a  one time exaction 
in this case 
to pay off the fed debt 
all 6 trill of it 

he figured 10 mill net worth for the start line
   and his rate 14.25 %
which makes a 40 trill target 

the donald did no home work 
on this i’m sure
 a target  base circa 40 trills 
 sounds high to me
 
 but  who cares we’ll find out 
everyone with a 1 mill net needs to fill out 
the wealth statement 
we’ll see what we see 

by the way most people in that range
 have already done or should do a financial 
statement  anyway 
how do you know where you STAND are
in the Alger cup  competition
if you don’t keep track    

 figures Trump’s  envelop calcs are  cockeyed
  on the HIGH side he’s a can do  hustler
in hock up to his hair part 

 you’re compadres are fat and frequent Donny 
but maybe not that fat or that frequent  
   just fat and frequent  enough 
for  carving knife  

 obviously his one time rate was highish too 
 for our  annual system 
i’d settle for 1/5  his rate 

  symbiosis after all  
is my watch word here
we’re bleeding these fatty pants 
not slaughtering them 
 
slaughtering them 
 we’re saving for 
the last  act 

so since their getting the Masai cattle 
treatment for now 
rule one is
carve carefully 
don’t kill the critter
yes  
i’m after sadistic
poetry in motion here
 but more ouch ouch ouch 
not TAMERLANE TIME 

 so we’re talking  
 life sustainingly shrewed
 and deft   cuts 
not some big clumsy
one time broad street   hack 
----------------------------------------------------- 
 i hope you can see some 
 humble beauty in all this  
just when Wally Tonwad  thinks
 his elected stooges 
have  killed
 the estate/gift tax forever 
   here we come along  with
 an annual  just cause its yours 
 tax on all  their  F ing
 big W wealth

A Trump tax  that keeps on trumping  
-----------------------------------------------------------
   boring details

questions answered 
that only  acorn counters  
chestnut crackers 
 and turnip growers would ask 

 what rate is optimum ?

 i say  we best pick
 a nice natural rate 
 i say  we look long and hard at 
 the real prime  rate 
 thats a nice  natural   tax rate
cause its sort of the speed minimum
 of the moment 
the rate that tells you whether your keeping up or not 

I  say make it real i.e.less the inflation rate 
 because i’ll not have talk of  
 inflation taxing


the prime 
  is so nicely  embedded in the system 
in its own rigged way 
it purports to be 
the opportunity cost 
at that precise  point in time 
for capitol thats loafing 
its   
no skyhooked number
  its right there in the system 
 moving  along with it 
 
 we just tell the lubbers  
 beat that 
and you’re still actually 
moving  forward
Daddyo

 on the other hand 
 buy  useless crap 
 or let your capitol 
languish and you
and your family 
are  headed
“ back to shirt sleeves” 
 

 
 by the way go ahead and lease 
that boat
  we’ll get you at the other end 
 as the owner of  a piece of the loaned fleet  
 its your class we’re taxing 
what  you personally do we couldn’y care less  
  thats between you and your god 

and remember if you spread out 
 your wealth 
to come under the wire 
 why  we’ ll
 just lower the start line 

speaking of start lines 
I say
by guess 
we’ll be around the 2 mill net worth level 
and here’s a curvaceous touch 
I say  the  annual collection target
should be whatever the interest payment is on the fed debt 
if we make the yield high enough 
to service interest payments 
on the federal  debt 
then when daddyo  gets his big tax cuts 
we  can say fine 
don’t want to pay now for federal  programs 
OK we’ll just put it on your class credit  card
that way we can feel free to do what has to be done 
to take care of the overflow and incidentals  of your system

and of course also  fund your overseas adventure force as well  


maybe we should put the whole  fed tab on the tab
except social security and ........
no thats another whole post there    
---------------------------------------


in the spirit of ask not what......
here’s  how my tax 
hits  me
for 2003 
 
 I figure  I’d owe this year 
 24 k  or so 
 so  I’d get 
 a 24k  block of the fed debt assigned to me 
look at it this way win a Nobel you only get 1.5 mill 
 surely the birth family lottery 
looks grimly fatuous 
 compared to the  meager
Nobel price award 
for actually doing something  
------------------------------------------------

 may be we need to be more generous here
 target  yield  at debt service plus say 15%
then   we can  
    allow  room for frivolous acts 
of federal   munificence towards the anonymous  
little guy 


like my own idea ( see July 4  2002 post )
 the independence day 
  rain of  Jackson’s

 a  nation wide air show
where our own  strategic air forces
all of them  
 bomb the piss out of  us
 with twenty dollar bills
 dropped   unseen from  high above our heads    
 whist we’re back yard  barbecuing 
  every   July 4th 

  god how can there ever be an end to 
such willful extravagances 
--------------------------------------------------------------
 with a real prime around say  3%
 and flat taxing  all the way to the top 

 flat taxing  is after all 
 the rich mans preferred equity principle 

with that rate  
we’re talking a  target base of
 13 trillion 
sounds close enough
the cut line  will be announced
 once the tallies are all in ofcourse 
suspense at the lower end 
should be enormous 
 
in fact maybe 
the  line will end up above
where my grand dad’s  trust fund
puts me lets hope so 
 
   maybe  even in these dirthful doldrumed times  
 13 trill 
won’t get you anywhere 
near down to a  2 mill cut line  


all this is 
easy work isn’t it 
 
long as we remember to 
  to put each and every 
 girl and boy 
that’s part     
of this wealth  tax  collection unit 
  on a straight  
 “piece of  all you can   get ”
 incentive pay plan  basis 

do that citizens  
  and sisters and brothers   we got 

LIFT OFF  !!!!!!!!!!!! 
   
------------------------------------------

P.S.
 the only   part
i’m having trouble with
is the agents’ uniforms  

   should this crack elite tax unit 
 go musicman / czarist parade ground bright  
or   grim reaper /headless horseman black  

 i can’t decide 
maybe we let each individual   target decide 
“ we can send over 
either type Senior Windglass
 this is America  you’re   free to choose  ”